Drink a shit ton of water from now until then and when you piss, get mid-stream piss. Drink 4 gallons a day if you have to. Either that or take a detox drink. Military recruiters give recruits niacin pills if they think they might fail a drug test

I'm going over to GNC to see what type of products are out there. I need something that works fast, I don't have 2 weeks, only 5 days, (well 4 now).

Get someone to piss in a jar for you and take that in your pocket and go for the old switcheroo.

www.spike.com

isn't that hard to do though? Don't they watch you, and how can I keep it the same temp as mine?

If you are ANY KIND OF A REGULAR SMOKER FORGET IT.

If you took a few pulls the other day and that was it, you MIGHT be ok.

Best bet is to get a friend who dont smoke to piss in a bottle.

I got into some dumb shit out in jersey a few years ago, had to go for 6 months of court ordered drug tests.

6 Months later, there was still weed in my system. The judge said i see the levels going down but you are still over the limit for the tests LOL.

If you are gonna bring pee, put it in ur underwear before u go in, that will make the temp good, they dont put a thermometer in there, just make sure it aint cold.

As far as them watching you, if its for a job they usually dont, if its for something law related they gonna watch you like a hawk.


Trust me yo, if you smoke with any kind of regularity you will fail, that shit is fat based and stays in your cells for over 6 months. All the bad drugs are water based and leave your system in 3-4 days, go figure.

If you wanna try and go for it you need:


Golden seals (take enough to make you sick, then take 2 less pills everyday lol)
Niacin - Sniffles aint lyin, this helps.
Cranberry juice, this should really be the ONLY thing you drink until the test.
Vinegar, take some white vinegar the night before, dilute it, and chug that sucker back, its gonna burn like hell but it helps as well.
Some of those chick detox drinks help too for flushing out your system.

Those "Drink this one hour before the test" drinks dont fuggin work, i know many people who failed using them.

I had to use my 2 yr old daughters piss to pass the test recently.... I put her piss in a small, travel size, shampoo bottle, then put that into a thermos with hot water around 107 degrees. Then I drive to the piss test place and recheck the temperature with a thermometer in the parking lot. I make sure the temperature is around 103degrees. Then put that shampoo bottle between my legs under my nutz, and roll up into the spot and pour the piss into their cup... bam! hired! lol

Oh snap son.... you need the whizzinator!!!!! Get someone who is clean to fill the bag with their pee.... then whip out the whizzinator and pretend its yours. Works! Those places dont watch you pee.

www.thewhizzinator.com

why drink gross drinks.... just get a clean persons pee. Then you KNOW youre good. None of this waiting and hoping that whatever drink you drank is gonna do it. Tests can look for that shit now.

lol

WHIZZINATOR 4 LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hah, damn. You can even get a matching color. I say get the big dark one. They won't suspect a thing.

a lot of MMA fighters, boxers, people like that use these....

You are lucky, they didnt do an extensive check. They can tell the difference between men and womens pee.

^yup. Im surprised that worked.

alright, so I copped some home drug tests, I'm going to try the system cleanse and then I contacted my boy who doesn't burn to save me some of his piss.

I am a pretty regular smoker, (CMOS, but you knew that lol). This is a pre-employment drug screening, but they are pretty hip to the game, they made the appt for me, and basically I got notified this morning, I have until Friday at 1 Pm to have the test conducted...

I mean my boy told me that some of the places watch you, (actual labs), said asked him to remove everything from his pockets, followed him to the test bathroom, and there is no door, you have to pee with them looking at you...

I got mad cranberry juice and i'm going to see what I can do, I have to say, this is pretty stupid, I hardly ever drink now and they act like having weed in your system makes you a criminal...

ya.. i suppose ive been lucky...

however,typical pre-employment drug screens do not test for age/gender....atleast that has been my experience with my jobs.

the company that Ive been doing drug screens with for jobs is called 'lab corp' (i think.)
These guys havent watched me piss...even after I failed the test when I had attempted to swap the piss. The piss sample that I swapped was colder than like 97 degrees. I think it was like 85 degrees cuz I erroneously rinsed my piss bottle in cold water cuz I thought the temperature was gonna be too hot. ( This was like 18yrs ago when , I suppose, they did not care if you turned on the water in the bathroom when taking the test. ) It seems, now they really do not want you to touch the water faucet in the bathroom.

JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS

I have heard that all those golden seals, cranberry juice, etc... just dilute your piss... so you may be asked to come in to re-take the test. If you are a daily smoker (like myself) , I do not think the cranberry juice,tea,cleansing drings,etc... will much for you as THC is not water soluble.
The only way to speed up the cleansing process is possibly to exercise to burn off some fat. Yourfat is where the THC metabolizes and sticks to you body.. IT takes longer for a fat person to cleanse their body than a skinny person.

Stop smoking yo!....but it's too late for that.

I was researching this stuff about 6 or so months ago when I was changing jobs.
Im a cannabis card holder so I was trying to find out if I am eligible to pass a THC drug screen since I have a doctors recommendation.

I read this:
<start>
The TRUTH About Drug Testing and Cannabis

Here's how it works: Never declare health issues on a resume, only education and work experience. For companies that drug test, it goes like this. After your interview you report to a lab to pee in a cup, same day or the next day. For what some consider more "corporate" or "professional" jobs, you will get an offer letter in the mail. If you write back accepting the job you will be expected to schedule a test before starting work. Sometimes you can stall beginning a new job for several weeks after the offer.

THERE IS NO CANNABIS PRESCRIPTION. Too many people are getting this wrong. Your doctor RECOMMENDS cannabis in order for you to get a state-issued card. It is illegal for the doctor to PRESCRIBE (schedule I drugs cannot be prescribed - by definition they have no medicinal use) - there is no prescription, only a recommendation.

At the drug testing lab, on the questionnaire mention that you take cannabis/cannabinoids. If you do not have a Marinol prescription then write-in that you have a card "medical exemption" - it's better than nothing. They always ask you to declare the drugs you have taken recently. Be honest. To declare afterward makes it look like you're hiding and makes your credibilty questionable. If it's in your system they will find it. (There are ways to flush but that's another chapter - sauna & diet are best).

The BEST thing a medical cannabis patient can do is to have the doctor write a prescription for Marinol. He can write a prescription for that but not cannabis. Marinol is THC in sesame oil, and will make you fail a drug test the same as bud, the metabolite is identical. A marinol prescription cannot be legally argued by the employer, but a medical card can. (cannabis is schedule 1 - no prescriptions, marinol is schedule 3 - prescriptions are legal).

Your doctor cannot legally write you a marinol prescription simply for the idea of passing a test, you need a medical reason. But if you tell your doctor that your other medications (painkillers, even ibuprofen) cause you nausea, and that marinol will help you with that, then you are helping protect your doctor. It's okay to mention to the doctor writing the marinol prescription that it will help you pass a test - he wants to help you, but you have to help him do things legally by telling him that marinol is for nausea (or wasting syndrome for some), not for passing tests. Cannabis doctors understand this...it's like asking for a waterpipe at a pipe shop. Asking for a bong gets you thrown out. Good Luck!

So...when you get the recommendation for the card, ask the same doc for a Marinol script to help with nausea, and that gee gosh, it will also help you legally pass your employer's test. (Assume that any job with insurance benefits will test you). MArinol cost about $15 per capsule so only ask for about 2 or 3 tabs - they are for use when the painkillers give you severe nausea. If you DO get the marinol script, you might avoid mentioning the cannabis card to the testing lab - you don't need it for a marinol script, but you might have to show the prescription or bottle. Disclose the card if you cannot get the marinol script.
<end>

-------

from here:
www.rollitup.org


----

I have never tried the above... but, I wonder if the 'Marinol' thing would work.

I've passed drug tests using the stuff you buy at smoke shops. I think it was called Ready Clean. I've also passed by drinking a 2 liter of Mountain Dew 30 minutes before the drug test. I'm not recommending any of that to you, I just thought it fit in with the thread.

pricey but it has worked for me... very important to follow directions..

www.gnc.com

MelonHead, that is the stuff I got, but the directions are not too clear, when should I take this shit, the day of the test or a few days before?

When I had to take a test for a drug screening they told me to empty out my pockets and everything. But then they left me in a room and shut the door. They arent going to literally look at your dick while you piss. Which is why the whizzinator will work. :)

I hear you Pullout, but I don't have the time it takes to get one, (or the $150.00) lol

hahaha. DO IT!

I know tons of people who use this on the regular and have never failed a test yet.

www.drgreens.com

damn, they can make fake pee pee and the lab people won't notice?

wow

This product is a novelty Item. Gotta love that haha even in bold

Since you said this is a pre-employment d.t my experience is that even if they make you empty out your pockets they wont be trying to actually look at your purple headed yogurt slinger. Therefore let me suggest the easiest and cheapest way to pass a d.t. All you need is an elmers school glue bottle and some masking tape. (duct tape will work but its so sticky it can be painful to remove) Empty out the glue and wash out the bottle thoroughly with hot water and soap. Fill the bottle with non-thc laced urine thats not from a female. Some places check hormone levels. Before you head to the d.t. microwave the bottle till its hot but not scorching. Tape the glue bottle pointing down to your leg inbetween your thigh and hanging brain(n/h). Since the glue bottle is flat on both sides a majority of the surface aera will be in contact with your skin keeping the bottle plenty warm for as long as needed. (I once had one taped up for 3 hrs) Unzip, twist the nozzle on the glue bottle and squeeze. Best part is the hole on the bottle is so small you dont get any messy drips it will only come out when you squeeze. Works like the whizzanator but costs 10x less.

damn, you guys are some druggy fuda muckas. ^^better hope it don't leak while it's pointing down.

I can't imagine handling another man's pee.

man how funny would it be if some white guy whiped out a black cock

you take it THE DAY OF THE TEST.

1. Abstain from any unwanted substances for at least 2 days prior to testing. Avoiding unwanted drugs for a longer period of time will further improve your test results.
2. On an empty stomach, 1 to 2 hours before testing, drink the entire bottle of QCarbo.
3. After 20 minutes refill the empty QCarbo bottle with water and drink again.
4. Urinate frequently over the following 45 minutes and then be ready to submit your urine sample as soon as possible.
5. If you have not submitted a urine sample 2 hours after drinking QCarbo, drink another 8 ounce of water to help extend the effects of your detox beverage.

.
Fuck drugs were talking about weed.
Weed and music go together like beer and cigarettes!

alright, so I had to try the Q-Carbo stuff out at home for peace of mind, if it worked, I was going to buy another, so I did it and I passed the home drug test with it! Big ups MelonHead! wish me luck on the real thing today!

dude.... your profile pic is amazing. haha

a wonderful night had by all at Club Alex's... I'm kind of a big deal there lol

lol

for future reference, big time smokers or not, water will work. drink a gallon a couple hours before the test and ur urine will be str8 water.

put a dab of yellow food coloring on ur finger tip, let it dry and when u piss, dip ur finger in the water/urine and u got a nice cup of pee-looking water

id rather not reveal my track record, but i never got in trouble for a dirty urine. and they were all dirty

a better idea than the food coloring is a vitamin, like a b100, eat one of those and your piss will be BRIGHT yellow for most of the day, onnly problem with the drink a ton of watrer thing is you dont "pass" the test, they can tell its water in the lab and theyll ask you to take it again.

glad to help.. keep it 420!

Depends on the test. If its an instant test where they stick the dipstick in the pee and get results in 2 min, they he'll be fine

Any questions anyone?

CMOS is offering web based tutoring for 19.99 a session.

Sessions are 15 mins long, but worth it.

Your certificate of completion will be sent in the mail.

So what happened BKS? You pass and get the job or what?

$21.50 a session. Gotta get at least a bag n a blunt!

Enquiring minds want to know...

Back!!

There is this piss drink by VALES - It works everytime...I smoked the day I took a test drank this and I was clean...Granted my piss was as neon yellow as a sign in Vegas...but hey it worked

yeah my shit was clean, passed the test, got the job... bang! Burnin' one down as we speak

hahahaha. SO dope. Now we know.... and knowing is half the battle.

It is very easy to pass test for cannabis go see a dr and tell him that you are bipolar and need script to refill lamicton. There are many reported cases where users of lamicton test positive even though they have never smoked a joint. When you test positive just inform however testing you of this fact there is currently no way to prove otherwise.this happened to me and when I discussed it with my phsycaitrist he confirmed it is possible

Medical advice on a dj forum from a user named mr pharmacist whos located in south africa....seems legit

I am not sure if that comment was patronizing or a complement. Google is kind of everywhere and big pharma supplies everywhere. So my knowledge base is global and from personal experience using Lamicton alternately drink all the water in your neighborhood

ITS ALLLIIIVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

You`ll need to drink 1 gallon of your friends clean pee.




#latetotheparty Congrats on passing the test ;)

How do the alcohol tests work? I have had some friends get DUI's and they have to go in for random tests. They said that they can see if someone has had a drink within weeks.

I have a method I used when I was on Probation and my boy just took a test for a job and passed using it pm meif you still need it, I don't want to give it out on here

Just say no?

Magnum Detox... and no, I don't use drugs but I do graphic design for this company.


www.MagnumDetox.com

look i finally did my own thing after so many people told me how to do it.... u need to take a 1 oz travel size bottle of a baby shampoo container then put your clean piss in there that u got from someone then u take it and put in microwave for 15 seconds no less or no more then that then take a glass of water put that in microwave for i min and 45 seconds no less or no more then that then put ur bottler in the cup of water then drive to the place and u should leave it in water for no more then 15 mins then put it in ur tighty whiteys in the crese ofthe underwear if u put in contact with ur nut sack u will be burned then what u do is go in tell them ur there for a test now ive done this mutipul times u hve basically 45 mins or so for the water to remain over a 100 then u take the bottle that has ur urine in it and put in the toilet water for only 10 seonds or 20 seconds if feel hot hot 20 seconds if feels lil hot then 10 or 15 seconds then put in cup and give it to them the excepted heat of the urine is between 96.2 all the way to 100 but u dont want it to be 100 this is way that is the best and ive testedthe toilet water trick several times and at 20 seonds it drops 4.5 to 6.0 degrees and 10 to 15 seconds drops 2.4 to 4.0 degrees i hopethis helps all those that needs it because mine was for not a job but for something else pee also can be stored in the fridge or freezer and wont go bad if stays cold

look they test the levels of ur kidneys they have to send it to the lab to to do that

Sounds easier to just not do drugs!

it is but lots of people smoke presidents politicans dr's judges this is a simple and effective way

Effective? Yes. Simple? Not so sure. I gave my BIL some clean piss (nm), I don't think he did all of those steps.

Well it is simple what isn't it all u have to do is the simple way I did all the job and been doing it

I'm just saying it only 3 steps heat it up put it in a cup hot water then put in underwear

My question is can you still pass a urine with 97% clean urine and 3% dirty? Will any amount of no matter how small it is show up and cause a fail? Please help!

Can you please give us the adjusted times for a 1500, 2000 and 2500 watt microwave? Wanna make sure we get this right. Thanks.

Just say no...

That's how I do it. Seems to work for me. Haven't tested positive yet!

you are allowed a certain amount of drugs in your system before you actually raise any eyebrows at the testing facility, but that threshold is set pretty low. for instance, if you happen to be sitting in the car with your buddies who are smoking weed, in an enclosed area, you are going to inhale 2nd hand smoke. The drug test will be able to detect the small amount of weed, but it wont be enough to actually fail the test.

I'm a 32 year old male. I have used someone else's piss every time I've had a drug test, that has been given to me for a job anyways. But this time, I am only available to my 7 year old niece's piss. I know how to keep the piss at the right temperature and all, but will they be able to tell that its a females urine, even though she is too young to have a period? They're not sending it to a lab or anything.

Wow, you're pretty special to be using your 7 year old niece's urine....

What the fucks wrong with you

smdh... dude, just stop using drugs

^^This.....

I'll sell you my piss but giving you crap is free...

They can tell if its male or female pee.

lol - ah i use to relate to this

sobriety can be a good thing

...

Pre-employment and randomized drug screens were introduced in the U.S. during the presidential administration of Ronald Reagan. It became a way of filtering candidate employees from entering corporations not because drugs have been considered a health hazard, but because it is a legal way to discriminate when there is a surplus of qualified applicants. Today especially, medical research officers (MROs) who contact you about a failed drug test are there to help you pass the test. I have never heard of an MRO offering up a trick question and whenever they suggest a possible excuse it is best to agree than act stupid.

Over the years, it became evident that drinking or drugging for pleasure in moderation had less impact than those enduring a medical problem that was left untreated or undertreated. The problem is among the segment of the population that uses drugs excessively (drug abusers), leading to adversities that culminates in drug addiction and increases drug-induced mortality.

Since the 1990s, a growing percentage of the American pubic has become disabled because healthcare providers are refusing to treat these patients for chronic medical disorders requiring a controlled substance medication. Several very successful U.S. corporations running in the black decided they would randomly test their employees for drugs as a way of boasting that a successful corporation is one in which employees do not use drugs. In one Pennsylvania-based company, it had been decided that any employee failing a drug test would be terminated from employment. Within months this corporation lost more than dozen employees. An entire department responsible for product development had to be shut down and within a year, the corporation was in the red. The board of directors began the process of luring employees back by offering them free access to drug treatment programs, but these former employees had already moved on to a competitor that originated from among those who had been terminated. Although tremendous salary increases brought some former employees back, performance was forever lost.

Using someone else's urine for a drug screen contributes to the drug policy problem. Although I can understand it, the action is a cowardly response. Defending your drug use is noble. Drug use is not a crime, disease, or disorder; it is a normal human behavior. It is shameful to our governments that in the only two nations of the world that allow direct-to-consumer (DTC) pharmaceutical advertisement happen to be the U.S. and N.Z. I was forced onto disability when I could not obtain medication to treat narcolepsy in 2003. During December 2006, I started promoting Drug Use Education that you can read about at my website, http;//www.druguseeducation.org. In 2010, I helped prove that the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) director, Dr. Nora Volkow, fabricated colorized MRIs in an attempt to demonstrate that drug addiction is a disease. There is no biological etiology to support this fallacy. Due to drug control policy in the U.S. there are more than 120 drug overdose fatalities a day in the U.S. While I strongly oppose drug use for entertainment in the work place and the exclusive legalization of marijuana or any individual drug, I believe a Drug Safety Policy is essential and that requires an end to drug prohibition because an illicit drug can never be safe. It is my contention that Drug Use Education should be mandatory global training that teaches youth and adults how to properly administer drugs for medical purposes. From that education, the public will be less likely to use drugs for non-medical purposes and when they do, they will be able to apply the right way to administer them at the right doses, within the boundaries of the right frequency and for the right duration.

Drug user case histories I compiled for studies at Stanford (2004) and UCLA (2006) revealed that many of those routinely use an illicit drug are obtaining a medical benefit for a legitimate medical disorder left untreated. The cause of drug abuse is a deficiency of education and discipline training. The result of repeated episodes of drug abuse is drug addiction, that can be described as the inverse of anti-drug disorder (ADD2). The public should be taught how to use drugs the right way for their medical purposes. Providing the right answers is what education is all about. Making the public "aware" of the wrong behavior -- drug abuse awareness programs -- is only teaching the public how to abuse drugs.

Medical drug use is the administration of drugs to achieve normality; non-medical drug use causes distortion. The non-medical use of drugs in the workplace impairs the ability to live up to a person's full potential. Years ago, I quit my job when the owner of a NYC dance club where I was working dumped a line of cocaine across the record I was playing after I refused to snort the line he had on the side. I may not be anti-drug, but I am not anti-responsible. Finally, the quality of a performance should be judged by how it sounds; not by the presence of a foreign substance during a drug screen.

But yo that shit was free bee!!!! lolz

lol

Thank you for making that point. "A drug I don't need holds no value" is a common philosophy ironically shared by drug dealers -- excuse me, "drug couriers" -- and those who abstain. It's the way that practicing drug users need to think to avoid the binge and other forms of drug abuse. Another philosophy you are probably familiar with: "There is a time for everything but not everything at the same time". The microsecond that the club owner started spilling cocaine across the record I was playing, the drug had the value of asbestos to me that might have been easier to remove from my record.

Can chewing tobacco effect a weed detox kit to make u piss dirty?

Not yet. The chemical structure of nicotine is radically different from cannabis. Thus, chewing tobacco will not affect a drug screen today. If drug screening continues to be acceptable by society and the primary method for drug control is through suppression, then the day may come when insurance companies get their way and add nicotine to the list and detectable through a standard drug screen. In the U.S., this will not occur during the Obama administration, but the way that tobacco companies have been diversifying their interests, I would have to say that it is not impossible for such a bill to be introduced to the U.S. Congress after 2016. If such bill should be passed, you will need a triplicate prescription to administer nicotine in the U.S. and it is doubtful that it would be available in the form of cigarettes, cigars, or chewing tobacco.

I need some coke to get through your posts

You clearly didnt understand his question.

I can't believe this shit is still legal in your country

I don't want to reply, I have my own question, this is the first time I've asked any site any questions ~ where do I put my question and how long for an answer????

What's your question?

It can be answered in as little as 5 min.

Thank you Akiem, phew, ok...I am going to a psych Dr tomorrow that does urine drug screens and takes walk ins, extremely bizarre for a psych doc I know but true. I have been on xanax for way to long and have the record to prove it, so I actually am not worried about that, however, the last time I smiled marijuana was almost 3 weeks ago, also took a morphine on Friday and Saturday, nothing else since. I know this is a dipstick test because of the price and because they will need immediate results. I want to know do you think I will pass and if so are there any tips you can give me to make sure that I do pass? I am so nervous but the last time I was without xanax for 4 days I was violently ill and had hallucinations, I cannot go thru this again. I have read so much but I want my own answers, please help and thank You Very much. Worried @ Whatever!

Do I just wait here for my answer? Ugh, I hate being so anxious. I'm waiting here unless told otherwise.

Thats a complicate question, it will take more than 5 min for your answer.

If you are going to a psych doctor the best thing is to let them see what you are taking.


Be honest with your doctors, they are there to help you, not to rat you out.


By being honest and telling the doc what you are taking, he can help you get off the Xanax. If you have been taking them for so long they are going to show up on the test.

This is a good thing.

I had a friend in a very similar situation and the doc helped to ween him off the Xanax. Don't try to do it yourself, you can have a seizure if not done properly.

Go get help man, those pills will kill you.

PS the morphene might not show but the Xanax and the weed probably will.

Whatever, your answer arrived in about 24 min.

Thanks CMOS.

Thank you akiem & cmos, I appreciate your help. The xanax is ok to show, it was just the morphine and the weed I have been worried about. I'm glad to hear the morphine probably won't show, but if the weed shows, he may not help me,wean or otherwise and seizures is my concern, I know after as long as I've been on, you absolutely cannot come off on your own. I've heard since it's a dipstick test that I can drink tons of water, pee as many times as possible before the test, take four aspirin 2 hours before the test, take vitamins to keep my piss yellow and use the mid stream of my urine. I don't know anything else with the dipstick test and I was sure I would pass it for the weed with aLL this info. Is there any reason cmos thinks I won't pass for the weed this way?? Just curious because I have to go no matter what!

I got some pee today from my friend I thought my drug test was today , so I had her heat it up before I left her house but about time I got to the place I was told to come back tomorrow if I freeze the pee over night will I still be able to use it ???

Weed is fat based, most other drugs are water based.

Meaning if you dump some in water it will dissolve. Weed being fat based will not.


Weed stays in your system much longer than water based drugs. Most of those are out in 3-4 days. Weed can take weeks to leave. It all really depends on how much you smoke though.

If you are a once in a blue smoker you may be fine. If you are an everyday smoker like me, who has been duffing daily for 20 years, it can take upwards of 6 months for your pee to be completely clean.

Also hes a psych doc, not a cop, he aint gonna care about a lil weed.

duffing daily for 20 = half my friends.

Just say no....

Pleaseee help!! I This test is court ordered at a drug testing facility!! And im a female so i dont know about how the whizzinator would work for me,but I smoked a joint a week ago,after not smokin for a week or two,and was a regular xanex consumer,and stopped Friday the 19th,and also consumed subutex for two wks up until the 19th,and have to test on 30th,how can I piss clean?? I heard there is a green tea flavored drink to cleanse everythinggg,but I can't find it! How can I piss clean or how can I use someone else's if I'm a female being watched takin the test?? Please help!! Thanks

your question will be answered within 24 hours

Is this page showing up on google search for drug test or something?


This thread getting a lot of traction lately.

Yes it is,that's how I came across it,but can someone plzzz help!

Just say no....

Learn the consequences and how long it takes to get clean before you take the drug is my advice.

Thx akiem!

That's def not an answer that helps..I'm not trying to hop in a private convo and be rude,thought this was an open convo..srry but I need helpful answers plzz

No problem :)

Heres a helpful answer, don't smoke weed a week before a drug test.

I didn't know I was gonna have one or I wouldn't have! Idk why u snapping at me,I'm jus tryn to get helpful answers like everyone else on this convo..

Here's a helpful answer - > Just Say No... :-)

Most of These people aren't doctors, lab rats or lawyers. They are dj's. Do you really expect to get knowledgeable and factual based help here? I'm sorry to inform you Miss, but you're fucked. Just saying...

Your question has been answered.

lol... you're asking a druggie to use common sense.

Now THAT was funny....lmao.

By not doing everything you did prior to the test. Also, try powering down the modem.

so is the guy with that next post
(the other funny)

lol

nm

I blame Keoki.

I was wondering I'm a female if I stuck a travel size bottle up me will it actually stay the temp I need. There's no way I can get clean in a few hours done tried that didn't work for me. I'm hoping I can just hold it up in me to get the right temp.

Depends...how bigs the bottle

She said its travel size... the question is how big is the yamp?

This is a physics question. You want to find a calculation which will take the volume of liquid, initial temperature, and room temp to find the time it will take for the liquid to reach room temp. In this case "room temp" is "vigina temp"

This might help: www.physicsforums.com

You might wanna try something with a thinner wall, like a condom. Heat will surely transfer more easy than any kind of plastic bottle and keep things at vag temp. I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

This thread delivers lately.

Rooster heads profile on the bus to rikers isle, holding PEE inside they pussy with they minds on the pretty things in life, props is a true thugs wife.

lol

Synthetic and Fake Urine is very risky and if caught there is no way you are getting hired. The best thing to do is flush your body out with a permanent cleanser that cleanses your blood and urine of all toxins.. If you have more than 5 days until your test that is the best bet. You can get them at GNC or online where they also include 2 drug test kits with your cleansing program so you can test yourself and know you are clean before you walk into a drug test. Same Day cleansers also work but since they are just temporarily cleansing your body they are not 100% effective if you don't time them properly.

Many of my readers have used www.passyourtest.com with great success.

Happy to answer any test related questions..

Drug Test Dave

I took a drug test last Wednesday for a job I really want. I smoke fairly regularly, very small amounts of a very strong organic weed. I found out that my drug test was supposed to be the next day after I was hired, so I took a detox drink I believe it's qcarb something or the other... I followed the directions exactly and came out with that neon yellow pee. all of the posts I've seen regarding the color of urine are quite old. so now I am looking for answers that are a little bit more recent. have things changed in the labs as far as testing bright yellow pee? I'm really nervous and I'm still awaiting my results. can i still pass even with the latest standards in the lab?

I hope all of y'all fail...

Your question will be answered shortly.

Please answer as soon as you can.

You don't belong in this forum. Buzz off!

LOL, no YOU don't belong on this forum.

This ain't no Online Halfway House...

The amount of F*cks given is being brought to you today by the number ZERO.

This is why all the corporations are 'effed up, because the dude making decisions are skeed up on something....

If you are experiencing bright yellow neon urine you can offset the color. About 30 to 45 min prior to the test and on an empty stomach drink 4 large glasses of water and chix ounces of a clear alcohol, gin or vodka for example. This will counteract the colored urine and run it clear.

Thanks for the question, and good luck!

Test already taken, but I'm a sober alcoholic so to drink for any reason would be a huge mistake. Just wanted to know if that would send up a red flag and cause me to be rejected for the position. Thanks anyway!

So you went with the neon yellow urine? Hmmm.... Not a good choice. Please report back here.

For anyone else in the same situation you can also clear urine by drinking 5 glasses of water and swallowing 100ml of molecularly encapsulated ethanol.

Thanks again.

Clearly you're not a "sober" anything ya damn drug addict and getting high was just as big as a mistake.

Lmao @ ppl coming to a "Dj forum" to find out how to pass a drug test. This shit is hilarious😂 "when homegirl said "can I put a travel size bottle up in me to stay warm enough" I died laughing👌🏻

Yo, when dude said

That TRULY shows how 'effing SAD some of these cats are....and what lengths they will go to hide their vice....

I mean, I understand folks get addicted to stuff, and it's a tragedy and all, but you're GROWN, so if you're gonna do it, why cry about taking a test to see if you DO?

Whack....

^^Truth^^

Or eat about a pound of Asparagus. Yes the veggie. It will offset the neon color of your urine and also smell so bad that no tech will want to test your sample anyway. They will pass you by default.

Hmm I ate half a lb of asparagus with garlic fried in olive oil last night. last night. Delicious.

nm

This thread got me thinking: if one drinks the detox drink, eats a pound of asparagus and a pound of beets, will the resulting urine color be determined by color addition or subtraction laws?

Your question will be answered shortly.

Please answer as soon as you can; I want to ask Obama for an art grant tomorrow and I need it to be bright fuscia. KThanks.

The answer is - color addition. The only way to change that aspect would be to hide a mini led in the urethra. We have had some success with this method but there is risk involved.

Unfortunately, with color addition and beats there are complicated chemical reactions causing the result to be unreliable. We recommend consuming the beats in addition to laying nuts on the dresser. Just your nuts and bang them shits with a spiked bat - blow. This procedure will give you a color very near the wanted fuscia. It will be somewhat darker than the perfect hue but in our trials the color was within the wide latitude spectrum required by the Obama admins art grant panel and application process.

Thanks for asking.

Depends. Are they beets by dre?

Jaysus. This thread is absolute comedy.

That will be Beets by Apple

Post of the year is the chick hiding a bottle of pee in her toto.

How big is the Toto?

I passed my drug test. I was so worried about it because of the neon yellow color... but I start next Thursday!! What a relief! Used that carb detox drink.

Glad to be of help.

Great...

Just what the Educational system needs....

Congrats, where did you get a job at?

Do you think I would reveal that here?

I've seen you're previous posts... very nasty comments. I won't ever post here again. Clearly the administrator of this site is not deleting your comments. It's not a safe site.

lol

I passed my drug test yesterday too! And guess what? I didn't have to post here all worried and shit because I just DON'T DO DRUGS. That's how you pass each and every time. :)

So I live in Washington State where recreational marijuana is legal! I haven't smoked for years and don't like to smoke now because I use to smoke cigarettes. But they have these amazing chocolate edibles now. LOVE THEM.
But, I applied for a job, got hired but need a drug test done.
I have used 3 home tests and all 3 have been negative. How is that possible?
I have one of those detox drinks but I wonder if I need to drink it?
I haven't touched the edibles for 3 days and won't have to take the test until Wednesday the 20th of June.
Clean? False negatives on the test? H E L P

Your question will be answered shortly.

Pure gold...

What is that suppose to even mean???

Some people get on here just to run down those of us that enjoy smoking weed. It's pure entertainment for them.

hey....it was because of your posts that I decided to ask my question. And congrats on the new job and passing the test!!

HEY....is anyone out there?

Hold on bro - your answer is being formulated. Quality info takes time.

I just can't....

You're an ass....someone needs to kick you off this site!!!

They have....

But I'm addicted....

You should know what I mean....

Sorry you're getting picked on, Island.

I'm not getting picked on, but thanks for being nice, janzee. Is it that obvious that I'm a girl? LOL
DJJOHNNYM - you need to just go away

island, we need more information for a qualitative response. Height, weight, measurements, diet, activities, etc.

Hes probably neglecting his job because he cheated a drug test and is high at work





I ageee, clearly its full of drug addicts

Who mentioned you being a girl?

Correct.

But in the meantime we can eliminate one element.

Most people do not know that a large number of people will always return an incorrect result from home tests. Its about the same percentage of left handed people. Because of certain technical aspects and regulations, home testing of most 'home test' types yield a reverse outcome. We can however test if this is true for you. If you are absolutely sure of you pregnancy state (this test works 100℅ for males) you can use a pregnancy test. If this test also yields a false result we can be sure tou are a part of the population who will always report a reverse finding with 'home tests'.

Next would be to try and determine the type of test you will be administered. Some labs use a testing procedure which is pretty much the same as home testing. And by law they are required to admit to a less than 100℅ accuracy.

I have no idea what kind of test will be administered other than I know it's a urine collection and it's being done at LabCorp.
I am 5'5, 135, and eat clean and gluten free. I have Graves Disease which causes me to lose weight quickly when I am going through stressful times. My heart rate is high due to this condition.
I've done 3 more home tests since my first entry here and they have all been negative. And so I think I'm good.

Hmmmmm.... It's possible trace amounts can go undetected as they attach themselves to fat molecules in different parts of the body. You seem height weight proportional. May I ask what is your bust size?

Oh, you're a chick? You might be able to stash a bottle of pee in your cooch huh?

Pure gold...

So is you wondering if you'll be discovered as being a drug addict a stressful trigger?

if you are unsure you will pass the urine test, just shit in the little bottle and hand it to the test administrator. the least of their worries will be whether or not you ingested a little ganja.

Haha, I must say this forum is VERY impressive: a DJ-page lasting 4 years, with meaningful advice that I have found to be unparalleled on other forums. (You get much more criticism & false info than real info on those..) I am in the pharmacology world, thus I understand the way the body works; additionally, I have been tested nearly 200 times (don't ask!) Many of your suggestions are very impressive, and I have read through a great portion of this page. If anyone needs advice for any level of test, I know about observed, EtG, simple THC methods (has anyone mentioned Aspirin yet?), even strategies for blood & hair tests (though hopefully none of you ever have to endure that..!) Ask me anything if clarifications are needed.
PS - I like you guys.

Thanks PharmDPeePee,

This forum has been around quite a bit longer than 4 years however.

He may be referring to the Drug Counseling section of the forum...

Guys I got a gig in like 2 hrs anyone know where I can get some blow...

I hear the blowing usually starts once you get to your gig and start performing

That was a good one Bezzle I can always count on you to quote me first👍🏻 thanks for riding my nuts again. I'm appreciated👏🏻😊

Well, at least you know where you can get your blow from!

Lmao!

Now THAT was funny.
(eh, and maybe true)

lol!

How much dirty urine has to be in a sample to detect marijuana use? Can I pee my dirty urine into the cup to set off the temperature sticker, then pour all of it out into the toilet, and replace with clean urine? Will there be enough of my dirty urine residue to test positive?

smdh, boil some water in a pot, pour the water out, quickly fill the pot with ice water. see how long the pot stays hot.... theres your answer.

How does that answer my question? I already tried bringing it in hot and I had to wait too long in the waiting room, it cooled down and wasn't warm enough for a viable sample. So I'm wondering if trace amounts of my urine would be enough to test positive if I pour it out after it activates the temp strip. Why you gotta be so negative? SMDH

Sorry, people are sleeping on the job...

try using some common sense here.... if you pee into the cup and trigger the temp sensor... what do you think is gonna happen as soon as you put cold pee into the container?.... do you think the sensor is gonna magically stay at 98 degrees if you are putting 80/below degree pee in the cup?


just because your piss test will come out positive, that doesn't mean everyone else is being negative.....<---(see what i did there?) lol


how about this?... why don't you just stop using drugs? that way you won't have to sign up on random DJ forums asking for piss test evasion advice.

You obviously have never taken a drug test good Sir as it is well known that you may not flush the toilet or use the sink during your test or it's an automatic fail.

I suggest instead of pouring your dirty urine in the toilet (they will catch you doing this) that you drink it instead. Hey, I know it sounds gross but people actually have survived in desperate circumstances by drinking their urine. Besides, how badly do you need this job? Also, get yourself one of those sock warmers people use in the winter to keep your clean urine warm before replacing the dirty specimen.

small glass bottle, lighter, thermometer.

Yall got no imaginations man.

My test came back negative. So yes, you can pee in the cup to get the thermometer sticker to activate, pour out your "dirty" urine and replace with warm "clean" urine. So here's what I did: I bought a 3oz bottle of nasal saline solution, cleaned it out with rubbing alcohol and water. Also bought a pair of boxer briefs and doubled them up and sewed each leg together so the bottle was between two boxer briefs not touching my skin, making a sort of kangaroo pouch. I did this so I wouldn't loose the bottle down my leg if I started to move around or sweat too much. (this clinic made me empty all my pockets, no sink, dyed toilet water, no lock on the door, can't flush toilet) I wrapped the bottle in a disposable neck warmer 30+minutes before my clean urine was added. The clinic was in the same plaza as a chain restaurant. I took my friend out to lunch, after we finished eating he went to the bathroom and filled up the bottle. I followed him in shortly after and put the bottle between my two boxer briefs (kangaroo pouch) and walked over to the clinic. I had to fill out paper work and wait for about 30 minutes before I was lead to the bathroom for my test. I emptied my pockets, washed my hands in a sink outside the restroom and then was sent in to fill the cup up to the line. I was in the bathroom about 30-45 seconds and told the Lab Tech to turn on the sink cause I'm a little pee shy and it would really help. I did this to buy me more time in the bathroom without causing suspicion. So I took the bottle out from in between my boxer briefs, peed into the cup, saw the temperature sticker turn green, poured every last drop off my pee into the toilet, and poured the entire 3oz bottle of clean urine into the sample cup,(filled it way past the line) and put the empty bottle back between my boxer briefs. I exited the bathroom handed the sample to the Lab Tech and thanked her for helping me out with the running water while I washed my hands. I may have made it a little more complicated then I needed, but it was my first drug test ever and I really wanted the job. Good news is I start on Monday! Hope my info can help someone in need. Good luck!

We dont believe you

so instead of respecting the company's right to hire drug free employees.... you violated that right by lying and cheating on your drug test.


how about you just be honest and respectful, and just work for a company that doesn't mind hiring drug addicts?

Sure don't.

First off I'm not an addict, I smoke weed on occasion to help my insomnia. Second, I don't care if you believe me or not. Third, sorry to post onto your dj forum about drug testing, it was the top hit when I googled it. See ya!

lol

glad to be of service

Yet you couldn't stop long enough to pass a drug test?, Fucking junky

We need to be compensated by some Drugs Anonymous chapter or sumphin...

Ok, now THAT was funny...

Y'all gettin' better at this....

yup.... first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

....and everyone looks in your direction.

next!


lol

I'd say that bout Detroit yo lol

i agree 100%, that's what I've been saying this whole time.... if the people in detroit would take responsibility for their own actions and admit they have a problem.... the there is def hope for the city...

but until then, you will continue to have the problems that are being displayed now, and it will only continue to get worse.

lol... you mad bro?

Me? Absolutely not..

I just quoted EXACTLY what you said earlier....

lol....YOU mad bro?

a comment was made toward me, i agreed with the comment... and of course you felt the need to intervene.

like i said... u mad bro?

lol, hole' up...

You gettin' all misty on me because I DID TO YOU, what you DID TO ME?

lol...

Yeah, get that channel poppin...lmao.

get backs?

soooo emotional... oh man, you def get the Carl Thomas link ....

Watchwww.youtube.com

Keep it up JM and imma have to throw the Whitney Link at you...lol

That's what y'all in Detroit call them?

I haven't heard that since 2nd grade....lmao.

I call it "Do Unto Others".....

No wonder you ain't got no people skills fam....

lol.

LMAO @ me doing EXACTLY (actually using the EXACT QUOTE YOU DID) and you getting misty over it...

Now THAT is some hilarious *ish....

You can't make this stuff happen...

Y'all bout to take Big Bang off the map....

Well I did what you guys said; now my nuts are mangled and bloody, I can only wear kilts because the pain of fabric touching them is unbearable and Obama said that even though the "fuscia angle" was "impressive", the world only needs one "Piss Christ" so I didn't get my grant.

Thanks for nothing.

orig10.deviantart.net

Does that mean you won't fill out the satisfaction questionnaire?

We're striving for all 5's across the board....

C'mon be a pal...We're the #1 Google Hit for these type of issues....

lol @ the kilt.

Sir... Sorry for your inconvenience but Obama changed the spectrum requirements. And for that we simply can not be held responsible.

Let me suggest, while you're nuts heal - smoke out dude. Canibus does release pain.

Good luck.

How to beat a drug test - we need to keep that google rank

I quit smoking on March 20 after being a daily (mostly) smoker for over 30 years. I took a pre-employment drug test on June 3 after having had a hernia operation less than a week previously, so I wonder if that had any influence on the test. I got the results back as positive (quantity was "47" whatever that means). A few days later,my son in law sent me for another test at the place his company uses and it came out negative. Here I am 2 weeks after the positive test and I have to take another urine test tomorrow, so I am drinking lots of water, but I'm still worried even though the second test came back negative. I am going to be on pins and needles for the next few days! Any comments? Please, no snide remarks, I am not smoking anymore and will probably not smoke again for a long time if ever.

Watchwww.youtube.com

*****DEAD*****

Remix, is that YOU?

So thats what I'm missing out on with the video chat not moving forward?

ok

Your question will be answered shortly.

It's not too late...

Like I said, put it on YouTube, might as well get paid...

Pisschrist are a decent d-beat/crust band as well as a pissy picture xD



I have degenerative congenital back conditions as well as Crohns, acid reflux, irritable bowel and other problems and Mary really helps me. I need to start eating it though as smoking anything is bad and I hate my 15-20 year old vaporiser (hot plate old school style) - chews through it. I wish the non-psychoactive pain relief versions were legal here - my doctor says I'd be recommended if it was. Also, my mother died of lung & brain cancer five years back, some legal edible/prescription for her would have been really beneficial, before she died of chemocide.

I think that is very true and it goes for a lot of places in the world. Not to knock immigration but the best way to deal with problems at home is to stick around and fix them, rather than running away.. unless of course we're talking about somewhere like Darfur. It's sad to see the home of so much great music become somewhat of a ghost town.

Well done on the quitting, hopefully someone can answer you soon

I tried the One shot dr green last week and failed an at home test. I took two of those. I'm going to be watched when I do piss. I have to take the test on Thursday. What can I do? I cAnnot fail. What should I do? I'm a very active smoker. I smoked everyday for the past two months up until Tuesday of last week. I don't work out.

:sigh: your question will be answered shortly.

Sholdnt be a problem, youll get high and forget to show up anyway



Oh but you can and you will



What should you do? Well first grow the fuck up and stop being an active smoker. Stop smoking every day like a dumb fuck and start hitting the gym.

LMAO! Beezle! Don't you realize cats come here for HELP? What kinda counseling are YOU doin?

Tough Love

If you SMOKE EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY ALL DAY AND IT IS SOME FIRE, you need to drink rely detox or Qcarbo. My hubby and I both work.and have to take whiz test on the regular, he smokes the night before his test it is a 7 panel test done in front of someone, I take xannys and smoke very very little, I take a drug screen that is sent off for the levels to be checked.... We bith test monthly and we have never failed using either of these drinks, you have to take them the day of two hours before test and flush w plenty of water.

Not sure if this is effective. But my gf had a co worker pass a piss test by not even peeing in the cup but instead dipping the cup in the toilet bowl water and actually using it as a sample. I thought that it needs to be a certain temp but she passed so that's not the case.

You must be on drugs if you go to North Carolina twice on vacation lol

I have a dt coming upoption friday and I already purchesed vale 4x Im just wondering if it really works or should I find another option

Your question will be answered shortly.

lol

Quote of the year...

NEED HELP!!!!!! I took a drug test yesterday at Labcorp. I drank a dtox drink from GNC, tested my self before hand and FAILED. Freaking out, I bought synthetic piss. When I emptied the synthtic into the cup for the test, it still wasnt enought to reach the line required by the nurse. I proceeded to pee a wee bit of my own dirty weed piss into the synthetic urnine- I want to say mix was no more than 80/20. I havenn't smoked in about 2 1/2 weeks, I ran and sweated my ass off- drank cran and a shit ton of water for 4 days leading up...any advice would be appreciated!

Your question will be answered shortly.

Was this test for a job?

Dj-M. Beezle-

YES

Here you go, this link should help you out.
www.monster.com

YQWBAS

lol

Bummer...thought I had a chance

Theres no hope with dope!

Best thread eva...

There's a moral to this story, kidz...

Need some advice that will work and have very little time here. I bonded out of jail a month ago and was told I was only on GPS monitoring and no type of supervision. This morning the lady I have to call to check in with calls me and says I have to go to a lab today and submit to a test. I am dirty for alcohol and weed. Haven't smoked since Sunday and drank last night. Since this is not for a job will they watch me and how closely? I know it's too late to flush I only have a couple hours here. Would the best thing for me be to get someone else's piss and pop a bottle?

Your question will be answered shortly.

Nahhhh, they know bonded out jailbirds on gps are typically pretty honest. Its pretty much on the honor system at that point.



Nah, the best thing for you to do is reevaluate your life choices while you back in the slammer and how you can say no to drugs next time around

lol...

I can see the Serato forums morphing into doing this full time....

lol

Serato DJs know everything...

lol at getting out of prison and being shocked theres a drug test.

DJJOHNNYM_vSL3 & DJ-M.Bezzie................................................

As you stated Bezzie the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem....you should take your own advice, that goes for being a judgmental, pompous, holier than tho, wanna be prick who throws cheap insulting comments around. The same goes to DJ John what's ur face vSL3.

I have enjoyed reading the comments here, was very entertaining and helpful, but you two judgmental fart faces became a pain in the arse. Who the hell gives you the right to nose around on a site that clearly has no meaning to ur so called perfect "drug free" meaningless lives, that you can insult people, degrade people, judge them and the call them junkies etc.

I believe it is always the people standing behind glass windows that throws cheap and weak "stones" (definitely no pun intended) blows purely coz they do not have the balls to admit that just like all the rest they clearly also have an some sort of addiction.

You judgmental pricks clearly have an issue with "recreational party snacks" and the people who uses their freedom of choice (without any harm, loss or damage to your lives) regardless which country they are from, so why of why the frikken hell do you punish yourselves by constantly leaving useless wanna be sarcastic comments and annoying the crap out of the people who actually wanna be here for what ever reason???

It's sad when people has such sad and pathetic lives, that the only way they can feel good about themselves and or their lives is by being annoying like the two of you!!!!

They say don't knock it if you haven't tried it.....is it coz there has been a problem or there is a problem that you can throw cheap insults ???.......Makes me wonder......and until you have been in someone else's shoes you have no right to sit around like vultures waiting to degrade or judge anyone by your pathetic cheap comments!!!

I will definitely rater be a junky or a pot head or whatever you wanna throw out there, than be a sad, pathetic, judgmental ..nut like you guys!!!!

To the Administrator....I apologize for allowing these frikken idiots to get me to stoop down to their level (they have no standards to stoop down too), I take my hat off to you for not kicking them off and ignoring their comments!!!!

Absolutely awesome site....Love the "Your question will be answered shortly" makes me laugh every time...Brilliant!!!

Cheers
M

^^lol

This is the internet. Don't take it so seriously.

Says the guy who cries about my signature. lol

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

That's JunkIE, just so that we're clear....

But we're here to help...



So you admit you're a JunkIE?

We can help...

About other people "crying"....lmao.

lmao

this dude wrote a novel...lmao

Where are the mods lol
nm

don't ask don't tell

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

I stopped doing anything two months ago when I knew I would be having a drug test coming up. I took two of the store bought tests a couple of days before my test, just to be sure, and both came up negative. I than thought to store clean pee in the freezer so that is what I did. I passed the test and I also have about seven tall baby food jars in the freezer and if I need to take another test I will just thaw it out slowly and use that. Heck, I should selling it.

Storing piss in the freezer... never thought of that one. Pretty special.

Hope they don't burst...

Yeh I thought of that. Lol.

lol

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

Man, where is a Public Safety Announcement when you need one?

lol

Here's a Public Beatdown Announcement. lol

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

Oh, there you are!

lmao @ you manually posting that siggy...

Pure GOLD!

It's definitely gold that you got a beat down lol

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

Why would you advertise your own beatdown?

lmao

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

Testing...

back on topic!

Ahh, there's the real remix

the one and only uncle ruckus, klansman, self-hater, oreo, uncle tom.

lmao

So it is no more a "misquote"it's a "remix".

lol

________________________________________
Bragging rights for life bitch! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
serato.com

nm

Your question will be answered shortly.

This was great!

I found this forum googling detox tips, but it turned into such an entertaining adventure! Who knew stupidity could be so funny?

I live in a tiny town of 400+ people on the Oregon Coast, so the only things to do around here are smoke pot, have sex and walk the beach. But unfortunately no one will pay me for it- bastards!

Even crappy jobs like housekeeping and fast food drug test around here. I'm 32 days clean and still dirty, but I haven't laughed this hard since I put down the pot. That girl with her twat question cracked my shit up!

You guys are awesome - even the assholes!

...and what is you question?

Thought this needed to be dragged into 2016...Here's my question:

Will my question be answered in a timely manner?

your question will be answered shortly...

DJ Johnny needs to chill.. Dude thinks he's a forum God but helped make this the top searched THC removal assistance site on Google. Lmao I bet as a DJ you've NEVER smoked or done ANYTHING..what a fucking joke dude go get a hobby instead of bashing lost souls onlibe... Ohhhh wait you wouldn't say a thing to someone's face because it's been made clear your a bitch so you just bully online like a 15 year old.

And yes I did make a name just to tell you how much of a fucking toolbag you are. You remind menof that Jersey shore DJ...loud mouth

shots fired

man down

man down


#OldLivesMatters

Yeah a shot was fired but Johnny never had one ITS a drug and if you even breathed second hand smoke your a loser remember! Lmao what a blue fruit loop coloring the milk.

And Detroit I don't shame your city.. You made most our cars while HIGH as fuck on at least weed...ahahaha

lol... knowing alot of people that work on the Ford, GM & Chrysler assembly lines, this is indeed very true.

JM is a coa coa puff, the milk would be brown...lol

Don't call him any color even orange insults Donald Trump and Trump's an asshole but at least he doesn't ' flame people' not to their faces. Im so Bernie but that's irrelevant you know what I'm not the most? Johnny Bravo over there with his perfect life and Mom who combs his pubes. Fuck this guy..reason Johnny won't be significant is because Johnny is a lil BITCH ahahah and he can talk alllll day on some DJ website but it he isn't a DJ who supports his people cause nowadays a LOT of people smoke. Yeah im mad. Hate judges.

So Johnny..choke on your mamas tatter tots.

now that's some funny stuff...lmao

Detroit knew you'd appreciate that you know why...I'm Philly and we're not that far apart but you could honesty be Oklahoma and not be a asshole and I'd respect you. This man likes feeling better than others. I think anyone educated knows that diagnosis and it doesn't involve drugs. Your sad as fuck to prey on an addict forum perfect one.

Straight up Mitch. Male bitch

Or you could just not do drugs...

Wow people be tripping!

Moodmusic should learn the difference between "your" and "you're" before he acts all high and mighty on a power trip.

Calm down and smoke some bud.

Some of ya'll be like Watchwww.youtube.com

LMAO...

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen...

You have obviously qualified for Bitch Status because you and have to create an alias....

lmaoooooooo....

Now who's 15 years old again?

lmao @ making an online profile [b]JUST to TRY{/b] and tell someone "off" online...

And yes, you're RIGHT, I've never smoked, and give Zero f*cks about you "Online Souls".....lmao.

Wait, wait wait! lol..

REJEX, is that YOU?

lol....

Lookit the Serato KKK talking to themselves....

Bwhahahahahahaha...

This is great!

lmao @ your trying real hard to be an alias....

Cover = Blown....

lmao.

lol, well most women get mad and emotional online....

I fully understand your position...

It's genetics....

Give it a few days and a tampon or two, and it'll pass..

You're excused...

Actually you need a SUPER....with WANGS....lmao.

Sure is Grandwizard! lol...

I see you survived that beatdown, and had some time to recover in the hospital, huh?

lmao. @ you using the American flag as a spear....

Wait, wait wait....lmao...

There it is....

serato.com


Joee**

lol @ "Blue Fruitloop"....smh @ this guy trying to make something funny...

And this right here -

Your alignment with REJEX....lmao.....

Oh, and the last piece of evidence -



Joee++ has NEVER gotten the "Your" vs. "You're" thing right....

See how easy that was??

lmao...

Pussy Move....but we already know, don't we?

lol...

JUST SAY NO!

lol....

lol, and this dude smoking a bone, and getting all misty, creating an alias, and throwing a tantrum against the dude who is FAMOUS for exposing frauds online...

And you, have been EXPOSED as a fraud...

again....

What? Nobody asking you for speaker advice anymore?

lmao.

Tooool. Bag lol and only your corny ass is gonna go on an ONLINE forum correcting grammar. Sorry forgot you were grading my post. Go get layed bro way too much free time to shame EVERY post. You got that though you should be a comedian instead of a DJ then you can come to Philly and I can throw a cheesetsteak at your sorry ass.

And I was a bit tipsy so my bad for going in. You ARE a dick though.

LMAO!

It's 11am on Saturday morning and you're STILL drunk....

smh @ not being man enough to handle your liquor...

Bwhahahaha @ Drunken Keyboard Gangstressness....

So you admit you have both an Alcohol and DRUG problem?

Nice!

That's the first step in recovery...

Now go practice those "Pump Me Up' scratches, Philly is relying on you....

Muhfuggahs will never learn....lmao.

What?!? No asterisks? JM u r slipping mane

lol...

Noted...

But c'mon man..

An ALIAS....forreal?



lmao...

Next thing you know, he's gonna have a playdate with Sixxx and go over those MSU++ codes.....

Bwhahahahahahahhaaaaa....

As I've always said...

"The ability to control one's emotions over the internet (even in a drunken stupor), is astounding" - DJJOHNNYM - (c) 2004.

You can't make this sh*t up man.....

Musical interlude: Watchwww.youtube.com

DJ Johnny, I think Moodmusic has an excellent point. You should be a comedian, have you ever considered taking that up? You should take your act out on the road! Like a busy one.. And stand in the middle of it

Ba dumb doom

You should NOT quit your day job.....

spice!

Lmao. Excellent advice

imgur.com

So you AGREE with cats who create ALIASES to express what the were to SKAIRED to say under their NORMAL account?

lol...

Oh wait....

I forgot y'all get down with those pointed hoods tho....

Carry on...

Don't scare off the drug addicts guys c'mon xD

Keep it civil and helpful to those junkiez!

i got these cheese burgers man

Smh.....

Ok I have a weird question. I'm suspecting my young daughter is on drugs. If I take her piss from the toilet will it come up positive if it's positive ?

no but if you sniff her dirty panties you should be able to tell

Smh...

Rofl

How shortly can I get an answer?

Depends how much $ you send me

Just got answered free tho dj sparkles

Ur last advice involved sniffing panties so wouldn't be paying u for advice! But ur all good bro. Dj johnny or anyone, excuse my ignorance but wtf is smh...

bfy.tw

Ha ha yeah. And g f w to u. Except I'm clarify . Get.fauckked.wanquer. Don't drink drive home ul get into truble. Smoke dope eat soap fly home in a bubble. Strait up I couple days ago had a drug test and searchd net. Yep just use ur missus or whoeva clean piss stash in der ur therms I swear I passed! Farq u dj johnnyboy! Fag

R u dead akieme? M Bezz? I'm the drunk who turned up late to party saying this page is so randomly awesome at 2 in morning screaming don't let this party die?!!plus came to party to knock out faggy john as soon as he said anything to face like Oh please don't smoke that terrible weed around me sir big nutz. Smack SNAP
G f h
Getcfuckedchomo

Lol, his profile days he's from new Zealand...I wonder if he's a new programmer for serato. It would explain why sdj never works right

LOL

I guys and ur secret abbreviations! Yes I am from nz didn't know I even had a profile ha I am serious 33 net newb. Mbez u a onto it krak up both here and alien thread. Honestly stil not sure wtf serato is. Nt that that wud exclude me frm being the programma. Stil dont get ur point scullyapintofpiss?

Sdj?am I just showing from nź weft knows way that so odd to b?

All uv dun is scull head is quite other people's actual words then contribute a 3 letter unsuperior bar. Not really that clever. Why does mbez saying I form nz provoke a laugh?can I form an actual sentence or are I a johnny type universal try hard but no real balls?

Your questions will be answered shortly.

It's funny to me that his grammer gets exponentially worse as he continues to speak

Whats his drug of choice?

No, your answer is no

Idiocy

Your questions will be answered shortly

Predict a txt turned all my u into I
Should have read can u form an actual sentance

Cannabis. Which seems more natural than alcohol to me. Which by the way I was very drunk last night and I see how my sentences got misinterpreted by auto predict. Reading now it did come out a load of gobbledygook

Real helpful bro

How is idiocy even remotely considered a drug?

......you still have some errors there champ.

Intentional for sake of brevity. Still actual sentences not just "bfy.tw"

The other way to pass a drugtest would b to crush it up very finely ingest then take laxatives!

Im pretty sure the people issuing the drug test will be suspicious when they are waiting outside the bathroom for several hours while you crush the cup

just pass it at home then flush the toilet. this forum is titled how to pass a drugtest isnt it? i know its lame joke cant help myself sory

lmao. Has you "question" been answered yet?

Bwhahahahahhaha...

Just say "No"...

Yes has "you"

You say your straight? Hang on,that would imply your not gay. I mean u say ur not on drugs? wtf r u on about again? By the way just say no that cock in your arse and maybe youll stop being such a fag

somebody's mad...lol

memesvault.com

Lmao. I ain't mad atcha. Still think jonnyboy a dick tho

Just
Say
No

U see that too?

lol.

This is your brain on drugs...

BTW, this is none other than ya boy Joee* (pronounced "Hoe" as the "J" is silent) AGAIN, coming at us with the ALIAS routine.....lmao.

Wanna know how I know AGAIN??

Simple -





And now -

lmao @ having American "Slang" down pat, but your English is challenged every where else...

C'mon son, you killin' ya' self..

lmao @ those emotions....

CLASSIC.

LMAO @ going from this Gobbledygook to knowing how to talk American "Slang" with no problem.....

You have surpassed ya boy "Mastermind" as the official try hard "lame" of the board...

You've got to do better man, your people in Philly were looking for you to rescue them from the Meek Mill "L Status" credibility pit.

You just dug it deeper....

Smh.

But you sure did chose the right name you're DEFINATELY "not.a.dj"....

Been saying that since you posted that "Pump Me Up" training wheels vid...

the simplest, yet most effective way to pass a drug test...


i cant see how ppl still use drugs these days...smh

ok, i literally laughed @ this one.

by that logic, the same can be said about cocain and mescaline.

and try telling that to the ppl administering your drug test...lmao




this is where you are wrong... im not against the content, im against retards like you who lack self control and cant stop using DRUGS, to pass a simple whiz quiz.



which explains your lack of brain cells to comprehend the best way to pass a drug test is to not use drugs...


carry on sir/ma'am

Welll... actually coca leaf is the plant; cocaine is what you get after you crush it and extract the alkaloids from it using diesel fuel or sulfuric acid (depending on whether you use solvent extraction or acid extraction methods).

If you want a more parallel comparison, cocaine would be more akin to "dabs"/hash oil.

btw, my nuts still hurt.

So yes I'm an addict. How do I pass a drug test on meth?

Your question will be answered shortly.

Hey guys I'm in a pickle got to pee for lab Corp in 2days!,thought i had more time to detox ,no time bc of heavy smoking and my body weight going to use daughters pee instead of synthetic, but my friend used her sons pee and failed for temp so now I'm scared same will happen to me,any suggestions or tips ,and does anyone know if lab Corp watches u pee? Tia

Sure, suggestion\tip #1....stop doing drugs

...

mcgruff-tid.com

The best way to ensure you will pass all urine tests no matter what type is to buy some synthetic urine QUICKFIX has never failed me.. but you want to dispose of the synthetic or save it in a separate container.. detox yourself without using the detox drinks or diluting it by chugging water way in advance to any tests, then test yourself with an at home drug test and once your clean fill the bottle or however many up with YOUR OWN clean pee. Then it's real and yours. save it for when you need it and then you can be worry free.

The reason for the synthetic urine bottle is because it has a tempature strip on it which is very accurate and important to know that the temperature is between 97 and 100 but I believe they will except anywhere from 90 to 100. To get it to temp place in the microwave with the cap off in 15 to 20 second increments till the strip shows 100 place cap back on and a hand warmer (which QUICKFIX comes with or you can buy them at Walmarton) on the side WITHOUT the temp strip then tape it to your inner thy or get some compression shorts which will hold the bottle in place while your body keeps it at temp. Everytime I've done this I alwas start at 100 and your body won't let it drop below its temp this way you don't need to worry about the temp at all. or some baseball under shorts because they have pockets but directly against the skin works best. I've personally taken about 12 or 13 random and pre employment drug screens and have uses this method and I've never failed. If you don't have a microwave you can put your defrost blowers on and put the bottle directly on it and or put 2 hand warmers around the entire thing it may take some time to heat up this way but still works.

Side note.. if the sample is too hot simply remove the cap in the bathroom and wait till it shows ideally 97 to 99 but I believe they will except anywhere from 90 to 100 but keeping it in the upper 90s will ensure a good result and not raise any questions.

But QUICKFIX will work if you need to pass like now it has the proper creatine, pH, uria, and uric acid levels that shows its not diluted or non human. I've used that many times and it's always worked including when it's been sent to a lab for extensive testing. I've never been watched either, for random, pre employment (regular or DOT for a CDL), or tested after an accident on the job. But labs are becoming more advanced and I'm sure eventually will catch on.

If your sample is deemed as an unreliable sample or sample not given by a human. it can be found as inconclusive test or as a failed test depending on what it was they found as abnormal.. but normally you can retest but some employers will say thanks but no thanks depending on there policies.

I believe that they can only watch you if your on probation, incarcerated, or your employer requires it in which case they should inform you but I'm not 100% on that I do know a female cannot observe a male and vice versa. I do know people that have played that card when being observed.

Hope this long piece of info can help out

wrong answer.



The bes way to ensure you will pass all urnine tests no matter what type is to NOT DO DRUGS!

Very true that is an absolute fact

Incorrect, False positives, while rare do occur in drug testing. Just saying.

i'll rephrase,

the odds are significantly better for you passing a drug test if you dont use drugs in the first place.

I read about the Elmer's glue bottle up there... I've tried it before. If you have someones urine, I cleaned out the Elmer's glue bottle with soap and water and then I had her pee in the bottle. I took the bottle and put it with hardwares on both sides and duct tape it between my thighs near my crotch and the bottle facing down. I wore a dress to hide what is between my legs and it felt funny walking but I made it normal. When I got to the clinic they gave me the cup and I just loosened the bottle and squirted the clean pee into the cup. I didn't known what my temperature of pee was but I just kept it warm from the time I had it to the time I used it. I have some drug tests coming up and I'm scared to do it again but I'm gonna have to try this way again because it's worked for me in the past. Wish me luck! I'm using this method for meth use. Not weed.

Reading this thread just confirms that doing drugs is fucked up no matter which way u look at it. If you really want help? go book yourself into a drug rehabilitation centre, get clean and don't do drugs again and you are guaranteed to pass any and every drug test out there. Stop looking for quick fixes cos that shit dont work

Ok what if your a female and have to take piss test for court tomorrow morning what do ANY of yall suggest I've got some clean pee but how do I to about hiding it if they watch me pee?? Suggestions welcome but I'm serious pleeeeease help

Let me get this straight. You are a female, and you are asking where to hide some piss so that it looks like you are actually peeing?

Lmfao

Can my husband use our 20 month old sons urine or mine for a drug test im 27 female drug free i just figured a female pee wouldn't work but can he use my sons or my 6 yr old daughter?

I SMOKE LIKE A BITCH AND ALWAYS COME UP DIRTY... WHO CARES? LIGHT 'EM UP, MY DEGENERATE, WEED SMOKIN' BROTHERS!!! SCREW THE MAN!!! CAUSE EVERY TIME I HEAR A RAPPER, I HAVE TO TO THE CRAPPER!!! LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, BITCHES!!!

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TEST NEGATIVE FOR WEED, PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND PICK UP THE CRACK PIPE. CRACK ONLY STAYS IN YOUR SYSTEM FOR 3 DAYS. I SMOKE CRACK LIKE A BITCH TOO!!! ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY CRACK PIPE RIGHT, MY CRACK PIPE RIGHT, MY CHOY BOY TIGHT!!! TO GET THE MOST POTENT CRACK, BUY SOME POWDER AND COOK IT UP YOURSELF. IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK IT UP, RUFUS, STANDING ON EVERY INNER CITY CORNER IN AMERICA CAN SHOW YOU HOW.

LEAVE YOUR BABIES URINE ALONE, BITCHES!!! YOU DON'T WANT TO TEST POSITIVE FOR ENFAMIL DO YOU? DROP THE WEED AND PICK UP SOME CRACK!!! IT WILL EVEN HELP YOU TO LOOSE WEIGHT.

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER, BITCHES!!!!

Can a 40 year old female use 3 year old females urine for drug test? Yeah yeah stop smokin and what's wrong with me for using a 3 year olds pee. Heard it before, hell even thought it myself and mentally kicked myself for it but at the the moment it is what is folks so any serious answers back would be greatly appreciated.

Your question will be answered shortly.

Your question will be answered shortly.

Hopefully shortly is by 2 this afternoon lol

We have come to the conclusion that the best way to proceed is hide the three year old in one of these. www.wish.com Make sure the child can pee at will, then have it do so. This way, yes, you can use a three year olds urine. You are welcome.

That's some funny ass shit right der, so um I just asked that to see what y'all say!!! I enjoyed reading this discussion forum so much in the wee hours of the night last night I just had to put my two cents in or two cents question. I thank ya for letting me know it would work though for any future references I might need in the future!!!

lol This site deserves s comedy award.

Didn't realize so many DJ's smoked weed lol...

I think a lot of people posting in this thread aren't DJs but just signed up for this discussion....

Recovery from ADD is a long journey that is full of struggle and unpleasant experiences. But the result is worth all the pain. If your son is suffering from addiction, get him the help they need. The experts say that just getting a detox done is never enough and you need to achieve long term sobriety and abstinence. The detox process can just create a short term impact and will last about two weeks. On the contrary a proper recovery from abuse can take months or even years. Such complicating is the disease that even when the physical
compulsions have seen a decline, the psychological factor could still be at work. It could just be a case that you just fail to appreciate pleasure if there is not intoxicating substance. Hence, that is the reason for us to say that just a medical detox done to control abuse is not enough.
If you want, you can read the blog on How long does heroin stay in your system (www.slorecoverycenters.com)

I stumbled upon this while having a lapse in judgment and stupidly hoping that I could shoot some dope and should my methadone clinic make me take my monthly UA before the dope were out of my system, I would just use my clean urine that I had planned on saving before shooting said dope. I normally wouldn't worry about failing a UA at the clinic because although you won't get kicked out, you will lose any take home priveledges if you have them (which I just earned last month) and also I have a week vacation planned to Arizona next month and am hoping to get an exception to get enough methadone to take to last the week. (As of now I only get take homes for Saturday and Sunday. ) So, if I were to fail said test I would lose those weekends and the ability to go on this vacation that is already planned and paid for. Aside from that, I am on probation and have only 27 more days until I successfully complete it. 18 long months is almost over and it would be very unwise to chance this for one day of shooting dope. Plus, when I successfully complete my probation, all of the charges I accumulated in the first place will be expunged permanently from my record. So not only would I potentially lose my weekend take homes, miss a fantastic vacation, lose the chance to have all of these charges taken off of my record after 17 months of very hard work, and also be put in jail. After realizing what a fucking idiot I was being I quickly snapped out of it but not before coming across this amazing thread!

I read the entire thing and laughed so hard. I got a great laugh out of the girl wanting to put the clean urine up her snatch, all of the witty replies, and even got some entertainment out of looking up and reading about The Whizzinator. Being female I had never come across that thing before and reading the reviews was kind of funny.

Anyway, I was so glad when I got to the bottom and this was still going on in 2017 that I had to put my two cents in.

Thanks for the laughs. I hope I can make someone else laugh here if this keeps going and I see a chance.